Tonight it was Ebaby's turn to say grace. She said her usual thank you for the food, mommy, daddy, sisters. Then she said, "Thank you that mommy wasn't so angry today."
"What do you mean, puppy?" (Yes, I call her puppy.)
"You've been so angry for a long time, mommy, but today you weren't so angry."
That stopped me cold. I have been angry. I have been depressed. I have most certainly not been myself. That's not to say I usually shoot sparkles out of my ass, but I'm usually not like this. I just didn't realize that she noticed.
Now I am angry, depressed and guilty. How has my anger/depression been affecting my kids? What have I done to them?
I have been resisting calling a shrink for the whole post-partum thing. I'm not sure why but that will be my first call in the morning.
Something's got to change and that something is me.