Beckie said in a comment on the last post she was glad I am doing NaBlo because you sort of know what's up with me. I hate sort of so here is a brief run down of what's been going on.
The Big Guy
The Big Guy got laid off November of 2008. In March of 2010 the Big Guy was called back to his main job (he was still working the small part time gig he's had for years) on a part time basis for a lot less money. He was going nuts being home & was driving me nuts. Back to work he went. Our schedule was interesting. He worked 8 am to 11 am at part time job. I worked 11:30 to 4:30 at the part time job I was able (finally) to get. Then the Big Guy went to his other job 6 pm to 11 pm. This job was also an hour away so he pretty much left when I walked in.
The Big Guy had been feeling lousy; lot of wheezing and bronchitis like stuff. Doctors did chest xrays, cat scans, stress tests, etc. Nothing showed up. Finally his pulmonologist does a bronchoscopy. With this procedure he stuck a camera down his throat into lungs. I should say, he tried to get into his lungs. BG has a big tumor at the opening of his right bronchus where it meets the main pipe going down. He also has tumors in the right lung. He also has lymph node involvement. His actual diagnosis is Stage IIIb partially differentiated squamous cell carcinoma. It is inoperable. He has had the absolute maximum radiation and is doing chemo. His prognosis is not good. It is so not good that I am not even typing it. Google if you must.
A couple of weeks ago we went to the Big City Cancer Hospital for a second opinion and possible experimental/clinical trial options. Long story short, nothing they can do for him, no trials, no experimental stuff, would even recommend ending chemo as it is just making him sick and is probably not doing anything to the cancer after the fourth treatment. I asked, "Should we be breaking out the Mastercard and taking the kids to Disney or will he be here next year to go?" The doctor said and I am literally quoting, "I believe in making hay while the sun shines. You are ok now and not on oxygen yet so you might consider going now." Does that suck or what?
Now he is a full time stay at home dad which Scoop loves even if he doesn't.
That's long enough for today. I'll get the rest of the family tomorrow.
5 comments:
Oh Beth. I don't even know what to say. I don't know what to say and I want to erase this because it seems stupid to send a comment with nothing of value but I want you to know I am thinking of you. I wish I could do something for you.
Oh Bethany, I had no idea. I'm so very sorry for everything you're going through. You and your family are in my prayers.
Beth, I have been afraid to ask. Afraid to know. I've not been a good friend. May I start calling you? Do you need that or do you need me to leave you be? I will do whatever you need. I mean that.
That does, indeed, completely suck ass.
I understand if you don't want to talk about it, but if you do want to talk about it, I have really open ears.
Love to you, friend.
I have thought about it often, but have not wanted to ask. Like speaking about it would give the cancer power or something. I, too, offer you my ears and my heart and my thoughts. And permission to be angry, sad, overwhelmed or whatever you need to feel.
Much love to you!
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